To the mother who has lost her baby, I want you to know that you are not alone...
Unfortunately 1 in 4 women lose their babies during pregnancy but the stigma surrounding loss is still too much. There will be a million unanswered questions swimming around in your head day after day, but I want you to know, to believe that this was not your fault. Please take time your time to grieve, there is no time limit on recovering from such a loss. The day you saw those two little lines on your pregnancy test was the day you became a mum, and although you never held your baby in your arms you will forever hold them in your heart. You are still a mother.
Your baby existed, your baby was loved, your baby matters. So for the difficult nights when it feels as though your tears will never end, I want you to know you are not alone. To the mother who has lost her baby, there will be so many people who do not understand, who throw ridiculous comments around thinking they are helping when in fact they aren't, but they know no better. Forgive them and focus on yourself. It may feel as though you have lost your super power now, but look at you, still standing, still strong, even more powerful than ever. Be kind to yourself, be kind to your body, it did the best it could. Recovery after loss is a rollercoaster, physically, mentally, emotionally. You will probably feel like everywhere you turn somebody else is announcing a pregnancy or new baby, living your dream which will trigger a whirlwind of emotions but just remember it's okay to feel sad for yourself whilst being happy for other people. Not everyone will understand this, but there are plenty of us who do. It's almost as though we are a secret society of unrecognised mothers who have loved and lost but continue to love regardless, but I want you to know I see you, you are not alone. As you slowly recover from this loss do not go searching for the woman you once were, trying to get back to 'normal' because she no longer exists. Take your time to accept this new version of you, the version who has loved and lost, the version who has fought many dark nights of tears and anguish but tried to begin again each new day. To the mother who has lost her baby, you did not "miscarry" you carried a life that ended too soon. I see you, I hear you, I feel you, I understand you, I love you. I am you.
This powerful and protective; maternal letter was shared with @TruthPie anonymously. The mother who wrote it spoke privately with TruthPie about their own personal experience, and they have found connecting with others and finding an understanding community has continuously helped them through their own grieving process. They were keen to raise awareness of and support those who may also be grieving the loss of their children.
The overall probability of a pregnancy ending in baby loss (Medical term: miscarriage) in the UK is: 25% at four weeks; 5% at eight weeks; 1.7% at 12 weeks; and 0.5% at 16 weeks . More than 80% of Baby loss occurs within the first 12 weeks of pregnancy.
This month, TruthPie wanted to celebrate and share our love with ‘mothers’ and that includes every mother, mother to be, maternal figure and woman with maternal instinct.
You are powerful beyond belief and beautifully vulnerable. We see you and are here to support you wherever you are in your maternal journey.
If you have experienced baby loss and would like to seek resources and support. Truthpie recommends looking up the Miscarriage Association which has information for mothers, families, friends and a specific course for professionals.
This anonomous author found the information there spoke to her and met other mothers own Facebook groups which meant she could talk to people who truly understood her own feelings. There are many people wanting to support you and listen to you and dedicated charities are a really good place to start.